Polyamory & ENM-Affirming Therapy in San Diego
Aspen Therapy offers polyamory and ENM-affirming therapy in San Diego and online throughout California. We work with individuals, couples, and partners in open, polyamorous, and other ethically non-monogamous relationships.
You won't have to justify your relationship structure before getting help with it. We treat non-monogamy as a valid way to love, and we focus on what you and your partners want to build.
Who We Work With:
We work with people practicing polyamory, open relationships, swinging, relationship anarchy, and monogamish arrangements, and with people who are curious and haven't decided anything yet. You can come alone, with one partner, or with several.
People often come to us for support with:
Deciding whether to open a relationship, and how
Jealousy, insecurity, and comparison
Making and renegotiating agreements
Communication when more than two people's needs are involved
Time, energy, and fairness across partners
One partner wanting non-monogamy when the other doesn't
New relationship energy and its effect on existing partnerships
Breakups and transitions within a polycule
Coming out as non-monogamous to family, friends, or coworkers
Parenting and family life in non-monogamous households
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Moving from monogamy to non-monogamy raises big questions, and it helps to slow down and ask them together. We can help you talk honestly about what each of you wants, what scares you, and what agreements would help you both feel secure.
We don't have a stake in whether you open your relationship. Our goal is that whatever you choose, you choose it together and with clear eyes.
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If you've been non-monogamous for years, you don't need a therapist who is still learning the vocabulary. We can work with the real issues: shifting agreements, uneven needs, metamour dynamics, and keeping each relationship cared for. We offer sessions with more than two partners.
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Many of our non-monogamous clients come in on their own, for reasons that may have little to do with their relationships. Working with an affirming therapist means you can mention your partners without stopping to explain or brace for judgment.
Related pages: Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling, Polyamory & ENM-Affirming Therapy, Teen & Young Adult Therapy.
How We Work:
Affirming therapy means we don't treat non-monogamy as the cause of every problem, and we don't hold monogamy up as the goal. We look at how you and your partners connect, where things get stuck, and what each person needs to feel secure.
Our approach is relational and attachment-based. In practice, that looks like:
Attachment-focused work: understanding what helps you feel secure with each partner, and what sets off fear or distance.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): slowing down hard conversations so partners can hear the emotion underneath jealousy or withdrawal.
Feminist, Culturally Responsive Therapy: looking at how culture, gender, power, and social expectations shape your relationships, including the assumption that monogamy is the default.
Internal Family Systems (IFS): getting to know the parts of you that feel jealous, guilty, or torn, with curiosity instead of judgment.
Our Therapists Specializing In Polyamory & ENM-Affirming Therapy:
FAQs
What is ENM-affirming therapy?
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ENM stands for ethical non-monogamy: relationships where everyone involved knows about and agrees to having more than one partner. Affirming therapy treats this as a valid relationship structure, so you get help with your actual concerns instead of a debate about your choices.
Will a therapist try to steer us back to monogamy?
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No. We don't see monogamy or non-monogamy as better. Our job is to help you build relationships that work for the people in them.
We're only thinking about opening our relationship. Is it too early for therapy?
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No, this is a great time to come in. Talking through hopes, fears, and agreements before you start often prevents hurt later.
Do you offer online polyamory-affirming therapy in California?
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Yes. We offer secure online sessions to anyone located in California, and in-person sessions at our San Diego office. Partners can join from different locations as long as everyone is in California.
